Category Archives: Reviews

Bloodshot

Today we(I) am looking at the movie Bloodshot. The main character is torn from the pages of Valiant comics(remember them?) and I’ll be square that I never read Bloodshot. I read some of Doctor Solar(who Valiant didn’t bring back) but I didn’t find myself interested in Bloodshot. Deja Vu here also.

I’m not some big time fancy movie writer, I only play one in the movies, so I won’t pretend to be one here. The first time I saw this trailer I recall thinking, “aw fuck yeah” and then with all the COVID being passed around like margaritas at 11am at my place it didn’t hit theaters. I found out about digital release and remember asking my friends about it twice before I got around to it. The second time I asked I got a weird feeling that I shouldn’t get my hopes up and it seems to be that my gut reaction was accurate again.

Now, what I have to say about this movie is just what I have to say about any “super” hero movie now days. Stands true to any Marvel movie currently out. I’ll be blunt and put my blunt down when I say this, but … I. AM. SICK. OF. THEM. All of them. They are all the same. All of them. Yup, that one too. Yup, that one is included in the pile of same. I’m over it. This movie is just par for the course. It has its big muscle guy(I’m a bit over Vin also, but I did like his one movie where hes the hero from times old, forget the name) who some how gains a power and he goes off and thinks he is saving the world, on a smaller scale than the Avengers team. This one is pretty bad though in that the character is so badass that he thinks hes a badass and that alone makes him a badass that he can do anything because omg, the badassery is epicly high and thats badass man. So butch, so macho, so doge, so yeet. Is that what kids would say? I don’t know.

This is a poor review for a movie I don’t really care about and I’ll just wrap it up here because I feel like I’ve spent enough time on this. My real point here is just that I don’t find myself really caring about characters like Vin plays in this movie. I don’t care for Vin picking roles where he gets to play his badass stereotype and I just don’t really care about super hero movies and how in all the fights they just all end in a fist fight. The whole genre could go away until they finally, FINALLY get some actual grim dark grit to it. Something with an actual edge. I want some dark sick and twisted shit. It remains to be seen if Marvel is edgy enough to pull something like that off. Some of these independents, yeah maybe. As it stands though I think Bloodshot was more or less a copy/paste/change names of shit I have seen before. In one ear, out the other.

imo? Not great, not great at all. I’m jaded though.
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The Ruins (2008)

Pretty decent trailer, right?

I just watched this last night and I want to do a couple things here since this movie directly relates to something else I want to write about(see bottom). Firstly I’d like to review the movie, secondly I’d like to talk about how it relates to D&D in particular.

I think if you watched the trailer above and your even slightly interested in horroresque type flicks the trailer may peak your interest just a little bit. It did me. It has just about everything I’m looking for in a trailer, mostly because I’m in the mood for some good dungeon delving type stuff. It has intrigue, builds tension, doesn’t let on to to much, has that creepy ass scream. Imho, its just a good trailer. Well done. I will be honest though that I was preoccupied in 2008 and this one slipped by.

The movie stars this guy that looks kind of like this guy, which I think I got some confused by.

I was hoping for Yelchin(who was in Green Room, which is another amazing horroresque movie) but Tucker did a good job all around really. He was the character the movie is based around really and everything bad that happens happens because he suggested it in the first place.

Basically the plot boils down to college kids on a trip and they head to see a Mayan temple that turns out to be more than they first think and the locals get involved and the tourist kids become trapped and a bit of chaos ensues and they need to figure some things out. Roll film. That is about as spoiler free as this can be.

As far as how good this movie is…. I’d give it an over all of not bad. Not the best survival horror movie I have seen but definitely in the not bad category. I don’t know if I will ever watch it again but I will remember it. It has a few aspects that are interesting but I will also be honest in that this really had no dungeon delving which extremely disappointed me but in the realism of the show I don’t blame them for not going in there but it sucks because……

SPOILERS!!

…. this is completely a D&D movie. Completely hands down. The biggest let down for me in this movie is that they don’t explore the ruins but these guys are unprepared regular humans. They are not a D&D party of rangers, fighters, casters. This is a movie worth watching though in regard to getting an idea for a D&D session, maybe even a one shot. This would be best run in something like Dungeon World but I will say everything would be better run in a system like that.

Nice desert oasis on the top there, eh?

The people in the movie do not explore the temple or the ruins because once they actually go inside they learn what they have really encountered in the movie, the big reveal(the monster) is Devil Root. With maybe some Crawling Creeper thrown in the mix. The regular humans can’t go in there because the place is … crawling… with it and they would die like some people have before them. The locals have salted the ground around the temple to keep the devil root contained and when the kids come looking they are forced on to the temple and their fates are sealed. They need to find a way to escape but the locals, who have set up camp around them to contain them also, won’t let them get away. Kind of a kill on site kind of deal going on. The entire temple is covered in the stuff and as you can probably imagine its over grown on the inside also.

So yeah, this movie made me think of and picture an adventuring party happening across something like this in the same way -but- in the D&D version they would actually have to go into the temple and find their way through the temple and out some passage or something. There are a lot of different kinds of plant based enemies that are under utilized in D&D and theres a lot of room for building some pretty cool stuff here. Shit, throw in a Malboro as the end boss for the place. Hell, maybe for whatever reason this temple has a portal opened from the Beastlands where it has been spilling forth since. If that is the case then you could have some real fun.

What are you waiting for? Go make a movie of the mind!

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Locke & Key Netflix Style

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EonRi0yQOE&feature=emb_logo

First and foremost, I need to put this here that I am a fan of the comic book. I don’t remember all the fine details but I have read it twice, which speaks in and of itself. So I am a fan of this work in particular. I also have floated around the fact that I heard the comic was being turned into a movie which didn’t happen(2013). It also had a trailer(2011) and it has a singular new issue? coming or has came out(which I guess contains “two new stories” and a teaser for this netflix run). I was hyped for that issue as I thought it might be a continuation but I have not read it as my excitement faded when I found out what it wasn’t. Also you will note the “The comic also includes a preview of a new series that Hill is creating with artist Martin Simmonds” part. I view it as a just a publicity stunt and I’m not on board for that kind of stuff even if its one of my favorite things.

This is not a review of the comic though, which I think is awesome. This is a review of the netflix series. This review will be heartfelt and honest. Its complete trash. Done. Thats all there needs to be because seriously and honestly it is. Maybe its just my taste in shows and having some standards of what I watch(I liked Altered Carbon, I liked Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrel, Witcher was good, Castlevania was decent enough until it wasn’t) but I can’t stand this show and I’m on the like 4th or 5th episode. I really want to like it. I’ve gotten to the point that the kids are starting to find out bad things are on the horizon. This is where things *could* get good because I swear to god if they can’t pull this thing off it is the biggest ball drop since 1999. Like I swear. If you know the source material… give yourself a watch of the trailer above and tell me with a straight face they went for the right feel of this show. Fairy tale. Yeah, they went for a fairy tale. This is not a fairy tale story. There is no good, there is only bad. The whole book is about dark and shadows and no one seeing the light. Shit, it ends up where it ends up and there is no light there. They just dropped it hard. I’m this far in and it would be hard to say they could recover it because its not even just the way they directed it, its the actors themselves….

The casting of this show is just terrible. Its bad. I can’t do spoilers because its to easy to but even in the soft moments when people are supposed to actually feel something, like when the mother gives Bode a hug, its like a light tap on the shoulder. I actually laughed when I saw it. I believe my words were “man, that was heartfelt.” They have a handicapped kid in the book named Rufus. The actor is shit, he is terrible. He doesn’t even come across handicapped, just kind of weird. In my opinion the mom they got is to young, like she could be Kinsey’s aunt. There is just something about her that doesn’t fit. I don’t even want to get in on Bode because just what the fuuuu ??? He plays to huge a part to be crap, but he is.

The feel to the show is just all off. The vibe they should be going for just isn’t there. Sadly I like the source material to much to let this slide and I’m hoping they pull off something great here. I’m just not in any hurry to finish this one. The sad part of this truth is that the netflix google machine number muncher will probably see me as another person watching this pile and chalk that in as another +1 to victory because, hey, I did watch it, didn’t I?

Go fight win! Lets go team!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzRRi2QcSEM
 
UPDATE
 
So I have cooled down since writing this “review.”  I have also finished watching the first season of this show and I have to say that it hasn’t grown on me.  It has not.  My opinion of this show stands and it hasn’t gotten better but it did become tolerable only because I wanted to watch it to the end.  They don’t wrap up the comic.  The may be a 1/3 of the way through the whole comic and they seemed to have changed a number of things.
 
Its been a time since I have read the comics so I don’t remember everything that they have changed but numerous points I did a “hmmm…” and they definitely changed some stuff at the end that makes it veer off in to its own thing.  So really this show should just be an “inspired by” kind of thing.
 
Would I recommend it?  No.  Not really.  I did have one friend that asked about this and I told him what I thought and he seemed to have watched the first episode and sent back that the kid actor bugged him.  Its not terrible.  Its not.  It would be better if I didn’t know the source and have the standards of the source to base this off of but I do.  Will I finish watching this?  I don’t know.  Honestly I might forget about it by the time season two rolls around.  I’m still currently waiting for season 2 of Altered Carbon and Hilda and couple others.  We will see.
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Water

Ever since that time I nearly drowned when I jumped off the boat in over my head and I couldn’t swim, I’ve loved water.

Just today as I was in my 4×8 $50 pool jobby floating weightlessly, I was thinking to myself. I wonder if I should’ve been a fish? Really. I do wonder because theres just something about water I like.. or love. I believe I was a fish once but I believe I was a mean fish who got kicked down a karmic step and got re-incarnated as a human. I think I’d much rather be a fish. I love the feel of being wet, just gliding through the water, no resistance. Unlike above ground where you get dry cracked skin and the blazing sun and dry mouth, the pleasures of the ocean don’t allow for that. Although being the human that I am now I dislike becoming pruny because that just feels weird.

I’ve had kids from camp threaten their going to beat me into the water today when we went polar bearing(running head long into cold cold water) but alas… They didn’t, because I love water.

I never learned to swim. My parents tell me that I was having to much fun playing in the water.

You can loose yourself in it as it calms, soothes and relaxes. Once your under the surface you only hear what is in your head or the large splashes around you. It sets the mind at ease while the body takes a break from the burden of living and gives it a moment to touch nothing as you float. Coming as close to floating on a cloud as possible, since a cloud is made of water molecules.

One thing I’ve always found interesting is its clear, you can see through it but yet it reflects images and as a kicker it also distorts.

There are things under water that are so alien to us, so wonderous. Do yourself a favor and have a look at some extremophiles. We rely on photosynthesis for life, their are some down there that are chemosynthesis near the thermal vents. Rent Aliens of the Deep and you may find some interesting visuals and come away a smarter person. Things living under massive massive amounts of pressure, things that don’t have or need eyes because there is NO light, possibly blacker then any black.

Oh.. did I forget to mention also that we need water to live? We can go 2 weeks without food but not 2 days, so I’ve heard. I think thats a high point on why water kicks ass.

I think these reasons and a few others I’m forgetting are why I love water. Just the feel of it, the joy it creates, the calming effect. I think everyone likes going to the lake, and if they don’t screw’em and leave their ass behind. Why does everyone like going to the lake? Because water is there! Water is like the best friend we don’t know, its there when we need it, hopefully. It calms us and usually makes us feel better. Its fun to play with and can make funny sounds. It tastes good…. not that I’d taste my best friend but uh… yeah, anyways.. 😛

I don’t know who originally called it H2O but hence forth I think it deserves to be H10O!

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The Legend of Tarzan

  • Plot: Generic
  • SFX: Decent but noticeable at Times
  • Acting: Sufficient
  • Rating: 3.5 Garnets out of 10 Diamond Nuggets
  • Recommend? =\ No, not really at all.

Soooo…. The wife and I just watched The Legend of Tarzan (2016) this last night and I have to say that honestly it didn’t hold my attention. I’ll get straight to the point though that it wasn’t horrible but I have seen this movie many, many, many, many times before. I don’t know what they could have done different but what they did do in my humble opinion wasn’t all that much that made it stand out as a “Tarzan” movie.

I tend to like the roles I have seen the lead actor in and I’ll be honest that I’m a bit surprised they gave him a solid shot at being an action lead because its a break of character for the stuff I have seen him do. He didn’t do a bad job. Was well enough done, its just the writers and Hollywood’s take on the character in general I think I didn’t like about it. He is a human living in the jungles of Africa. He was king of the apes as one person in the movie called him. I just got a werd vibe that whoever wrote this didn’t have a clear image in mind of what or who they wanted Tarzan to be so he ended up being a mish-mash of a few different things. Doolittle, he-man(not superman), english lord. I think the actor Alexander Skarsgård did a good job.

I found the villain more interesting and again, I like the other roles I have seen him in. Christoph Waltz did a good job as the captialist pig who is out for himself because lets be honest here, it is a lot more believable to pull off this kind of thing and like I said, I think he did it well.

I would get more into the plot and the girl(she was typical girl fodder for the hero to save(think Mario Bro’s)) but lets be honest. I don’t want to waste my time or your time. If you think its your bag, check it out. It just wasn’t my bag.

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